Thursday, March 5, 2009

Marble Falls, TX: What is this 'momentum' and why don't I have it?

Miles since last blog: 17.3
Miles Total: 2356.2

Route

I've got a case of the slows. I'm just not moving. Every time I come to anything with food and a chair I settle in for hours at a time. Perhaps you've noticed that my blogs over the last few weeks have been searching for the meaning left in this walk. I'm sure it's there but with so much personally already achieved it's hard to stay motivated to move at a good pace, without that great calling I have always felt, well, it becomes dangerously close to turning into a job. Shiver, let's just forget I even used that word, that's for later, after the walk if need be.

Even as I type this I am sitting in a gas station not far from where I started the day with the excuse of charging my computer. Later I will get up and move, but I question how far and I do have certain goals and self imposed deadlines that need to be met. They, in and of themselves simply aren't enough to drive me though. When I settle in for the evening I'll update and publish the blog, but more and more I find myself in a midday bitch session online. I like this, I'll finish, but I was spoiled with a deep and meaningful life that now is markedly absent. I keep feeling that something will take it's place, some new meaning and deep resounding goals, but right now, I got nothing but hope that it will come and endless calculations on when this walk will end given different scenarios.

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Lack of momentum still very much in effect. Today in total was a very poor showing, in fact, I've been up for less than 11 hours. Something besides motivation may be to blame here, hmmmm . . . At least I met a lot of nice people today who encouraged me, going to sleep, hopefully I'll be magically all better tomorrow.

5 comments:

Dixxe Doodles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dixxe Doodles said...

I stumbled onto your blog, you are doing something I've dreamed of doing all my adult life...so keep it going if not for you-- for me, for all the ones like me-- that didnt get to do it (yet) just keep going!
I met a young traveler yesterday Ko, he is 22 yrs young and he is biking from Florida to Maine on US Hwy 1. He has been on the road since Feb. 13th and he has come this far (Kershaw Co. SC) He is averaging 50 miles per day...at a pace of 6 miles an hr. He has no financial backer and he had $30 in his pocket..and when that runs out who knows...but I told him dont worry, the kindness of strangers will see him through. All he has to do is ask for it...and it will find him.
I asked him the 'majik' question? "What do you hope to come away with at the end of your journey?"
He told me he has 3 virtues and he regularily practices 1 of the deadly sins. Then he went on to tell me how ones virtues balance out ones sins..and his answer:
"I hope to come away with nothing, less than I have now."
It took me a while to figure that out..but I think I did.
He wants the list of sins to be balanced by his virtues to zero~.
Have a wonderful walk today!

Coach J said...

Maybe its time to start looking at the little picture(s) instead of the big one. When I was finishing up school, I found that the big picture was overwhelming and I felt exhausted just thinking about it. Small, manageable goals were much easier to swallow.

Anonymous said...

It's your sister. I agree with Coach J. But keep in mind Texas is daunting for many things. You can do it

Anonymous said...

you said you were spoiled by a "deep and meaningful life". Can you elaborate?

Dad