Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Sterling City II: On the road again

Hit the Willie, because I've headed out of Austin on the road to California again. I've just been dropped at the point I left off at when my Carrier broke and in the car I had the nervous yawns of an athlete before his event. And this is the event.

When I started, part of this was to test my limits. I wanted to see if I was the man I thought I could be, if I could find my limits then push through them and keep going when push came to shove. Physically, I did this long ago. But now, when I am tired, when I am alone and heading into the real desert in a week or so, when I feel like my journey is done even though my path isn't; now is when I test my mind and my spirit.

I've traveled the distance I have left twice over already. It's not that far but it stretches out in front of me, every day I feel further away rather than closer. Just as I should be speeding up with nothing to slow me down, I am moving slower than ever. Now is the time I learn the hard lessons, I have built myself up over the last six and a half months and it is time to learn humility and perseverance on a new scale.

I am alone, but friends will visit me, family will come, I can make this even though I don't always feel like I want to anymore. This is the great new test of my life and I only hope I can pass it. It is not the desert, it is not food, it is not water, it is not my knee, it is not my loneliness or my time; it is only myself I have left to deal with. Thanks to everyone who has supported me in so many ways, it has carried me so far and I hope to see you after this is all over so we can enjoy a meal. If you want to join me, you are welcome in the desert as well, and I can use the help, though my foe will still be the same.

I want to break down, I want to feel the rain pour over me in the desert and sit soaked and on the verge of tears but relieved to find strength and know I will keep going. I want to fall and let the world pick me up when I don't have the will to. I know this is waiting for me in the desert. I feel it in my whole body. I am not afraid.


Dixxe Doodles said...

Ive always loved the desert...although the landscape appears dead, it so alive with culture and legends from the past. A spirit lives there like no other place in America.
I hope the upcoming days will be very inspiring and softening for you.
Have a wonderful walk!
~The old Lakota was wise. He knew that a man's heart, away from nature, becomes hard; he knew that lack of respect for growing, living things soon led to lack of respect for humans, too. So he kept his children close to nature's softening influence.~

Chief Luther Standing Bear - Oglala Sioux

exoticdvm said...

Hey Skip! Glad to see you are still walkin' on down the road! Keep at it and best wishes!